We're off to a great start...
I just wanted to get this post out because I am and will be distant. And I’m not apologizing for that — I’m healing.
It’s 2020! I would love to say “Happy New Year” but the way my life is set up right now…
I’ll just say I’m glad we all made it.
I’m not a “New Year’s Resolution” kind of girl or the type of person that screams “this is my year.” And I definitely don’t expect significant change to happen from Dec. 31 - Jan. 1, but this year was different.
Aside from losing loved ones and my older brother almost being murdered, I’ve never dealt with any type of trauma. And I’ve never thought I was immune to bad things happening to me. I sort of lived each day with caution but stayed away from exhibiting actual paranoia. But over my holiday break, I experienced something that has me on edge. My privacy was invaded and since then, I don’t feel safe. I already wasn’t a very trusting person, but everyone is a suspect to me: the kids standing on the corner or the car who lives next door but has been “following” me since I turned into my complex. I am now the Permit Patty or whatever other names the internet came up with to identify scary and ignorant people. I am now the person with increased security. I am the person who hears the heat turn on or even an actual pin drop and jumps...even cries. I have not been by myself since the incident.
The good thing about this situation is that I did come up. Bigger and better is days away, but it’s bittersweet why it happened. I’m not typically the type of person to put my business out there, but I just wanted to get this post out because I am and will be distant. And I’m not apologizing for that — I’m healing. And I’m not trying to be a victim here (although I am a victim of a crime), shit happens everyday. I’m just taking this shit day by day though.
I am hoping this means that all my 2020 foolishness will be in January and I can move forward into a prosperous year.
‘Til next time (which is hopefully next month cause I’m paying for this and never post lmao.)
-Aja